Press play to speak with Earth today.
<ring ring>
🛎 Kari Lake’s office…
🌍 Hi yes, this is 1800Earth calling for Kari Lake?
🛎 Please wait…
🌍 Bless you child.
👩🚀 Hello, who is this? How dare you call me at this hour? What time is it?
🌍 Hi Kari, blessings its 3am.
👩🚀 Oh nice I’m up.
🌍 I know so, this is Earth reaching back out again? Are you familiar?
👩🚀 Noooo, wait…no that’s not a fair question.
🌍 Well, it is but, perhaps just listen then instead.
👩🚀 I…cant…liii…
🌍 Aye! Shut up you. Zip it…Jesus Christ.
👩🚀 …🥺
🌍 So I’m gonna need you to stop okay?
👩🚀 Crying? 🥺
🌍 Yes, but also, I’m gonna need you to…stop everything as well. You’re annoying and…don’t like.
👩🚀 …
🌍 If you could go ahead and stop everything then, we would really appreciate it. Sound fair Kari Lake?
👩🚀 I get it…I can try.
🌍 Well, no darling, as I’ve said I’m Earth, I’ve said that you’ll agree?
👩🚀 No!?
🌍 I sure did kiddo, I sure have, I’ve said it now several times in fact. You’re just not using your brain enough.
👩🚀 I am using my brain, ur not using my brain…
🌍 Look, just…the Earth is flat right? RIGHT?!
👩🚀 Yes.
🌍 Good answer, now do you know the fastest route, meaning, the clearest path to an edge? Do see a horizon nearby?
👩🚀 On Earth you mean?
🌍 Yes but, any planet will do. Do you see it?
👩🚀 Its beautiful…🪐
🌍 Ahh, you’ve found it. Bless you once more my innocent lovely. So…I’m gonna need you to stop what it is that you’re doing now. Ok? Trying is off the table.You’re an angel. Go on.
👩🚀 <click>
🪂
🌍 Earth thanks you for your cooperation. Be well. <click>
<ring ring, ring ring>
🛎 Hello.
🌍 Hello citizen, blessings, is this the dumpster of Rudy Gulliani?
🛎 You bet, one or two moments please…<rustling sounds>
🌍 So kind, thank you my sweet.
🤕 Hello? What day is it? Who am I to you?
🌍 Hey there Rudy Rude…its 1800EARTH you Bitch!!! Hahaha, fuck you Rudy!!! Hahaha, you stink!!! <click>
🤤 Hahaha, thanks Suc!
Suc presents | 1800Earth
<ring ring>
“Cuz Im not the asshole here, I’m fucking Earth. Cha?”
Thank you! 🤙
🖕🌎🤳
Written by Paul Circharo
@suc_can_produce
Linktr.ee/SucCan
Suc Can Produce | Blog 
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